What I've Learned about Weddings & Wedding Planning

I’ve been married almost two months now. I would not call myself a master of marriage or of wedding planning, but I feel I should give my two cents and share my experience with the whole wedding fiasco.

In all honesty, before I met Steven, my husband, I thought I would forever be the old lady who keeps to herself and has six cats. I’ve always thought of myself as the “in between” person in people’s lives. I would be a great friend, girlfriend, whatever it was you needed, until of course you found someone better to fill my shoes. I’ve fit that role more times than I would like to admit. I told Steven that after we had been dating for a very short time. He said he would prove me wrong, and thus far, he has. He’s my very best friend, the love of my life, and the only person I could probably spend every waking moment with without needing a break. I can be myself with Steven. The only real argument we have is “Where do you want to eat?”… “I don’t know, where do you want to eat?” I feel extremely lucky to have him in my life. I love him more than anyone, more than anything, more than I thought I would ever be capable of loving.

I believe that if you have any doubts in your mind, other than your own insecurities, you should probably not set yourself up for failure in marriage. You should NOT get married under false pretenses or what ifs! This drives me absolutely bonkers with girls. If we get married, he’ll change. If we get married, we’ll be happy. If we get married, he won’t cheat. That’s NOT the case. First of all, your partner is who they are, unless it’s something super easy to change, you should NOT expect your partner to change. If you’re not happy before you get married, you won’t be happy after. If you can’t get your act together to figure out what will make the relationship healthy and happy a marriage will not make it any simpler. If your partner does not respect you enough to be with you and only you, you should not be with that person PERIOD. 

Marry your best friend. Just don’t rush yourselves into anything. Give yourself time to learn about one another, know each other’s habits, know what each of you want from one another, know what you want from your future and your future together.

I doubt any guy will read this but in the rare event they do (or if anyone really does) GUYS! Please, I BEG of you, do not plan to purpose on Valentine’s Day or Christmas Eve/Day…. Just don’t! ALSO! Don’t purpose at someone’s wedding. It’s kind of… selfish? It’s not your day; don’t try to make it that way.

My thoughts on wedding planning? Unless you’re completely incapable of doing anything for yourself, or if you’re for some CRAZY absurd reason you’re getting married in a month from your engagement and you’re having more than fifty guests, hire a wedding planner. Wedding planners charge way too much, in my opinion. Given, my husband and I got engaged in January of 2010 and did not have our wedding until October 1^st 2011…. I had plenty of time to figure things out on my own.

It’s one thing to help plan someone else’s wedding, it’s completely different to plan your own. I’ve helped other brides, but the moment it was my day and I had all these options to choose from – it’s quite overwhelming. So, do your research. Know what you want and go with that. Understand that you are not going to get everything you want (unless you or your very giving parents are completely loaded). Your wedding will be the most expensive thing you’ll probably ever have to deal with in your whole life (considering that it’s only one day versus the house you can spend your whole life in).

If someone wants to help you, let them! I thought I could get all my centerpieces together by myself – but it turned out with a centerpiece that has 6-10 photos on it and 22 tables…. It’s just not realistic or sane to do it on your own if you don’t have to! 

Bridesmaids, Bridesmaids, Bridesmaids. You really do find out who your true friends are. I’ve heard so many stories. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. First things first though! As a bride, your wedding day is probably the most important thing on your plate. You do need to realize that your friends and family that you pick as your bridesmaids, have lives of their own, and your wedding is more likely than not, not the most important thing to them. So, fair warning, your bridesmaids will let you down. Not to say they are doing it intentionally! You just might expect more or something other than what they offer. My bridesmaid had all KINDS of crazy things happen to them in between my engagement and my wedding. The part that broke my heart and ultimately changed how I felt about one of my bridesmaids in particular… is that she could not get past it for a few hours (even when her situation did not even hold a candle to something going on with a different bridesmaid) and JUST pretend that my wedding meant something to her. I felt like I had been a great friend through thick and then for her, but when it came to my wedding, it was still somehow about her. You must remember you picked your gals for a reason, and just be sure you pick them for a damn good reason. 

As a bride you are going to be stressed out, worried, you will feel much fatter than you actually are, and that nothing seems to be going as it should. When all that seems to be at its peak, you’re going to realize everyone else around you has lost their mind, maybe even more so than you have. I have no words of advice here, just know it will happen.

Invitations! We had the traditional invitations sent out through snail mail. Be prepared to get some paper cuts! We had the addressed envelope, with the invitation, RSVP and envelope stamped to send back, all inside. You will be so proud of how easy you made it for your guests to know where you are getting married, what time and day, all that good stuff – PLUS all they have to do is draw a check mark next to “attending” or “not attending”! ….. If only your guests weren’t human! I think the invitations were probably the most frustrating part of the whole wedding process. We sent them out with AMPLE time. Yet, we had to remind people time and time again to send them back (but we did not do so until the “please RSVP by” date). Out of the 101 invitations we sent out, we got 53 back.

If your venue has a preferred vendor list, give this list all the respect you possibly can. The one thing I wish I had done COMPLETELY different was going with the caterer that we did. Considering we had family connections, we thought it would have been an excellent idea to go with who we did. We were proved wrong so many times before the wedding I wish we had just said never mind and gone with someone else. Shop around – especially for caterers.

Don’t pay more than $1000 for your wedding dress. You’re going to wear the dress one day in your life. Let’s be honest, unless you had your first born daughter when you were 16, the wedding dress style she’ll want will be completely different from the dress you got. Yes, you will be in your dress for TONS of pictures that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. But think about it, the simpler the dress, the more timeless it is. Have you seen wedding dresses from the 80s? Those things are NOT simple and they are AWFUL!

It’s your wedding day. If your parents are paying for it, it’s a lot less your wedding. But be thankful that you have someone helping you and WORK with it. Being a snobbish bridezilla did not get anyone anywhere except onto a really bad (but addicting to watch) television show.

My husband and I did not have disposable cameras at every table, but I really wish we had. However, if you do have them, especially if your families are anything like ours, be prepared to pay lots of money to develop photos of poop, feet, “See-food”, and other disgusting things.

If you are having an open bar, pay bar, or any alcohol in general – be careful who you invite. Some people cannot hold their alcohol! I have no intention of speaking to a guest we invited, who brought her boyfriend whom I’d never met beforehand, and who both got entirely smashed. They were cut off by those serving the beverages, he threw the reminisce of wine they had left all over the table and those sitting at the table, then proceeding to walk out into the vineyard where our wedding was, and tried to… fornicate. They were caught by security and escorted of the property. SERIOUSLY?! 

Also, on the subject of alcohol, drink lots of water the morning/afternoon of your wedding. Pace yourself. My alcohol eventually caught up with me and caught up with me about the same time that I realized that I’d spent the last six hours at my own wedding (you’ll understand that statement AFTER your wedding day). I spent some time crying on people because I was happy and also found it a good time to give speeches to friends I love to pieces who have yet to get married. OH boy! You’re not going to eat much the day of your wedding, you may think you will but nerves are a funny thing. So pace yourself with your alcohol intake! And don’t drink so much you can’t remember your own wedding day, I couldn’t imagine how that would make me feel.

Don’t skimp on wedding photography but don’t pay TOO much. Wedding photographers know what they’re doing and know they can charge a lot. Find a great photographer that’s not a bagillion dollars. RESEARCH and interview them! If you don’t like their portfolio, you won’t like your wedding photos. Don’t take this lightly!

Have your bridal breakdown the day before your wedding. The day of our rehearsal I was a complete mess. It was a dream that I felt I could not control at that point. I was physically SHAKING so bad. My nerves were so awful and shot that by the time we got to the rehearsal dinner…. Well, this is probably the best time for alcohol. JUST don’t go overboard and have a hangover the day of your wedding. 

The day of your wedding you cannot let a thing stress you out. Eat as big of a breakfast that you can fit in. Drink warm coffee (because honestly, no one wants to help you hold up your dress so you can poo later!). Your bridesmaids bickering? Let it be. Your hair dresser/make up artist 15 minutes late? Get over it! Your earrings break? Hopefully your very awesome maid of honor will have back up and let you wear her grandmother’s beautiful pearl earrings (like my most amazing maid of honor did). Whatever goes wrong the day of your wedding, and trust me, something is bound to happen, you MUST take it with a grain of salt. You need to enjoy the day. Especially after all the work you put into it.

The day of our wedding my bridesmaids were split down the middle with drama I did not appreciate nor did I understand. My husband almost saw me multiple times before the wedding. When I showed up to the venue an hour before the ceremony was to start, not everything was set up for the reception. Our caterer was supposed to be on property at 1:30, they did not show up until 4:30. My earrings broke. My dress was too big (ten minutes before the ceremony started one of my friends took in my dress a whole inch!). The best man forgot a letter that was supposed to be part of our ceremony. One of my bridesmaids was told multiple times not to have a flask (our wedding was at a vineyard, no hard alcohol was allowed) and it did not seem to matter to her that she could get escorted off property because of it. Our grand entrance was all scattered and no one go introduced as who they actually are (our maid of honor and best man were introduced as us!). Two bridesmaids I was looking forward to hearing a speech from, did not even move an inch to attempt to get out of their seats when the time came. HOWEVER – I did not, and would not, let any of that bother me. You can’t change anything at that point. So roll with the punches and make a joke of them later!

Our wedding day was the best day of my life. I’ve never felt happier than I did on that day. That day I made the best decision in my whole life! But my last word of advice, or word of warning, is that your wedding day is the fastest day in your whole life. You will spend countless hours planning your wedding, detail after detail, and it will fly by faster than you can blink your eyes. One moment I heard the song playing that my bridesmaids were to walk down the aisle to, the next, the song for the last dance of the evening was playing. Everything is an absolute blur! This is why I stress a great photographer. You need to have someone capture those moments because you hardly have time to make your own mental pictures! It goes by too fast to panic or worry! Enjoy your wedding day!